What The Heck Am I ???

moved to http://histories.blogspot.com for some reason..

Now everything is cleared to me.. I know why I’m sick.. ITs 13th the friday~!!! and 14th the saturday to me… haih.. since young, this two days had been my very bad days… I still remember when i first moved my house to susur jambu, my basikal will always pancit on those days… two years berturut-turut… then another time is i fell from my motorbike after trying to make a 90 degree cornering.. and last friday and saturday.. me sick like hell.. diu.. no wonder lar… luckily im not going to bukit tinggi on friday.. or else.. wauhahahah..  so.. the result of bukit tinggi.. is this —>

Today I get all this from Pusat Kesihatan UPM.. I will have a very good feeling about Malaysia everytime i visited that place(3 times only)… Ppl in there, almost all are friendly ppl.. with the smile in their face, their efforts to help you.. not so lan xi as those behave outside.. 3 different doc i saw , all are malays, and yet they try to entertain me… wuahhaa.. seeing me so down and weak, they will give some advice and jokes to make u felt better again.. wow.. if all malaysian are like them.. so good…

Advice from doctor - "dont always eat maggie mee lar, Go out buy nasi with sayur, bukan lebih senang??.. tak ya nak masak lagi… lan duo ar??? hahaha""

It’s been a while since I first desired to gather all sarikein youths in kl area for a prayer group.. I guess now its the time to really evaluate the importance of this intention.. It’s time to use the knowledge I learned so far.. Well.. I will start with its purposes..  What will this prayer group serves??.. For what reason that I desired to build up a prayer team in kl area?? First of all.. The prayer group will serves to fulfill spiritual needs of the sarikeian youth in kl area.. But how much can I provide?? or how much can we provide?? I’m not alone tho.. Besides, The Lord will also provide.. isnt it?? Then.. Why I try to go so far.. Is it tat I try to get attentions from others?? These had became my biggest worries.. The prayer group wont live long if I do it just for fame or popularity.. I hope I do have heart to serve.. I guess I will have to figure this out asap..

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Is this just a temporary "hangat-hangat tahi ayam"?? How far will I go to maintain this group?? Until the day of my graduation?? Until the day when I feel "Its enuf d.. "?? Truely.. If I cant be sure that I can be the sub-pillar to support this group until the end, its better not to start it.. Simon is leaving this sept.. Will I be able to continue all this alone?? Am I really alone?? I’m sure if I start all this today.. all of it will end around sept.. or might even ended before sept.. Will God then, perform miracle on it?? My own faith is having its up and down.. How much can I give?? I wonder…

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Ok.. now the third question.. Do they really need this?? May be im Syok sendiri here.. May be they  do fulfill their spiritual needs each day by their own?? Let’s say if they need it.. How many of them will come?? Or I rather say, how many of them realised that they need this spiritual fulfillment?? How many of them still care for their spiritual life?? To come for a gathering or prayer meet need sacrifices on times and efforts.. How many of them dare to take the step and come??  or How many of them willing to sacrifice in order to come?? I guess I’m worrying too much… But unless I solve all this question mark in my head.. I dont think I got any gut to start anything..

No man has a true pure heart in his flesh.. Nor do I… With these unpure heart.. If I am to go on and fight in this battlefield.. How many will stand by my side?? I wonder..

JiNG..

4.35am.. The exact time now.. I guess i need to make some new resolution.. My faith is droping once again.. So many things happened since CNY until now.. I hope HE will have a good explaination why my life should go these way.. CNY 2007 is almost the best CNY I ever have in life excluded those childhood experiences.. I tot that good things will keep on happening after CNY.. I’m suppose to be able to stand on the stage to fulfill the dream that I once almost gived it up.. GOD.. You shud have taken away all my desire to continue the dream that time.. Why let me continue to do something which is not mine at the end??  Lord.. Did You ever forget about me?? I’m serving You in the right place is’nt I ??

__________________________________________My Lord.. This is the worst Lent Season I’d ever go through.. I almost behave like non-christian who care nth for Your death.. Mahjong, Foul words, and losing faith in wat I’m believing for.. Still felt lonely in my cold chair.. PC is what accompany me always.. All my friends said, " Its ok to lose someone, God must have His own reason.. He is preparing someone who is better for you" .. But where’s mine?? 2 and half years are more than enuf for me to get through all action.. I’d been searching coz of my disobedient, But now I’m stated down waiting for the one to come.. Lord, will You ever forget to plan for me?? Will you be too busy settling all the prayers until you forgeting me, the one once You used as Your instrunment?? Without attention from You my Lord, I may ended up choosing another road which comforted me more..

_____________________________Like all the other childs You have… I hope You will remember my name.. I’m Jimmy… Registered in Your kingdom as Titus.. and I confirmed my desire to serve with the name Leo.. To become Pope is not my goal.. St. Jimmy just my dreams… I just want to have a chance to step on Your altar in heaven..

_________________To really make a differents, is not about changing the world.. It’s about changing you yourslf and let the changes in you influence your sorounding… Remember, when you helped a person or make a person happy today, you already made a difference to the world..

A song from my friend… hope you like it..

MayDay - Click here to listen

五月天

词：a friend -
22/06/2006

曲：a friend - 13/04/2006

Verse 1:

我曾经不知所措 迷失方向在自己的小宇宙

整天都行尸走肉 不知道路该怎么走

Verse 2:

我试过遗失感动 也曾被伤的自己快要发疯

还好有你来拯救我 用音乐点亮我天空

Bridge:

《温柔》 是成名作  《John Lennon》 陪伴着我

《倔强》 给我无限激动

《憨人》 唱的是我 《时光机》 让人感动

《疯狂世界》 有我的梦

Chorus:

谢谢你陪着我 在我最脆弱的时候

《彩虹》　出现梦中 告诉我要勇敢面对生活

　谢谢你伴着我 在我最绝望的时候

　《相信》　自己的梦 我知道总有一天那成功 　　　　会走向我

As happy as I am today, I still fail to forget about her.. But this day is not same as yesterday.. This kind of things no longer everything to me.. These are the things I found in the one month holiday back home, I found my other companionships.. But then deep inside my heart, Im still urging for a relationship life, I do hope this hand was holding someone’s hand that I love..

But for now, the spirit to survive still burning in me which lifting me up from those personal desire.. I do understand the other meaning for companionship other than boys and girls relationship.. And all this while, all this companionship are with me all the time.. Just that Im too blind to see and apreaciate them.. Being as different as I can, they still treat me as one family.. Even when they kick me out like this…

haha.. ok.. Friends are one of the most important companionship we will ever had in our life.. True friends never question how much you had contributed, never get jealous on you, never care if you are a poor guy, never care if you are useful or not.. Thats why I wasted my whole life risking in whatever I do, to find this kind of friends..even if there’s only left one day for me to live..

Apart from friendship, what more do I have?? hehe.. usually the next setence will be, I have nth more.. But for me, may be I should say, apart from her, I have everything else.. I’m JiNG.. Not somebody else.. I’d live my life to bring different to the ppl around me, not to make myslf a different one.. I’d share my life not to let ppl know what I’m made of, but to let ppl knew how great are the One who made me.. He made me great even when I’m only a background..

So, who is your real companionship?? Doesnt we said that we want to be like HIM?? Doesnt we said that we want ppl around us to see Jesus in us?? If every christian can be like him, then I can have 1000 more Jesus around me to be my perfect companions… Is’nt it beautiful?? It’s time to not only read the words, but to LIVE IT.. Let everyone knows that we not only have our theories.. Show them we do have God in us..

Hey~!!! HE FOUND ME…EVEN WHEN IM SO FAR AWAY.. hehe.. Jesus found us even when we are as small as a sand to the earth.. Be firm, be confident, we are not catholic by coincident… Amen.

JiNG

I want to be volunteer for Johor’s flood victims.. I want to have prayer meet with all sarikei-an in kl area… I want to help up Tian Zhuan… I want to help out youth in Sarikei… I want to finish my Final year project and thesis..  I want to get 4.0 this sem..  I want to be on the stage for yinzi..  I want to spend my time with all my friends once again.. etc.. etc..

Above are all the things that I wanted to do this semester, this year.. But I realised that I dont have that much time to archieve all above acts.. I tried to narrow down the scope of my acts.. I tried to sacrifice unnecessaries acts.. But in the end.. I ended up doing the same things all over again and again.. Without really do any of the things above.. Commitment is wat i lack of.. Prayer is wat i need now.. May the Lord’s graces be upon me.. Soon.. I will hand in my self to Him to be used as His instrunment.. Anything He willed for..

How much can I take?? How long can I endure?? How far can I go?? How useful am I to His Kingdom?? How vurnerable am I to fame and popularity?? And then, How long will I take to pass through purgatory and reach heaven?? God knews..

——————Tian Zhuan Agm 2007…

——————Sarikei Youth Retreat 2006/2007

——————–Yinzi Acoustic Group 2006/2007

These are three society that I owed them deeds and memories.. These are the three piority i set for myslf now..   

How many times in our whole life did we ever really slowed down, put ourself in a silence mode and refigured the setting for our life??  I often stay alone in my room, re-think what I have done so far in my life, what have I archieved in my life.. The question seems familiar le?? HaHa.. But do we really put an effort in refiguring our setting?? or i rather say, do we ask the right question to ourslf?? Is it about " What have i done all this while?? Is it reaching towards my dream?? " How many times in our life that we really ask " What am I going to do afer all this??" Missions and Dreams are temporary…Some ppl might spend their whole life trying to archieve their missions and dreams.. Some never being able to amcomplished anything,, Some dont even have any.. My question is, what’s there waiting for us after we archived our missions and dreams?? Setting new missions?? new dreams?? Then we will be a human who live just to archieve dreams..

I didnt said that dreams are bad to archieve, just that we need to set a better dreams and missions before going for it.. We need to look far beyond to the future before really setting down our missions and dreams.. How to look beyond then?? With our mind and hearts, its really hard to be in the mood to think all this.. We are made sentimental,  Ever try standing in a high place, which gave u a view of hundreds miles away??  It gave a good mood in reflecting our life..It gave you the feeling that You are on the top of the world.. You are above everything now.. So whats you gonna do?? Was is it lies beyond our dreams??

After I list down my dreams and missions… I start to ask my self.. Do I have missions to Gain Heaven??  Are all my dreams leading me to this one last missions?? The answer is no.. Because each of my dreams were set for my own interest, for my own happiness, for my own means.. Now that I realised my dreams dont really lead me to gain heaven, the other question comes to me, Can I, JiNG redefined my dreams and change its directions?? Am I dare enough to put aside my own interest and dreams?? How small am I.. I cant be sure that my way is right, how am I going to help others to gain heaven then?? Ever have this kind of dillemma?? If you do.. come.. I invite you to go to "The eyes of KL" and redefined our missions there.. HAHA… What say you?? hehe… .

—— The only way to be the different, is to be saintly ppl.. No other choice… Can we be the one for HIM??.. It lies beyond our dreams..

Many says "Lord,  Lord, pls use me as Your instrunment and make me whole".. But how many really mean it when they spit it out from their mouth? .. Some from their hearts, and some from their brains..

By going to church every sunday, we officially become Church-goer…but is that enough to gain heaven? By praying everyday, we think we are one road ahead of everyone else, but told ya that’s not even enough to pay the debts of our sins.. What shall we do then?? By spreading the good news to the pagans?? but we will become like the pharasis in Jesus own time if we only know how to spread the news without really Live it..

Am I an instrunment for my Lord? The answer will be totally YES.. but the question is, do I allowed HIM to use me as HIS instrunment?? When I really flashed back my own life.. I can see that there’s bunch of times where I let myself being used by the devil.. Letting them to destroy my life and even the life of others..

Thanks to the retreat..and with God’s graces, I’d found His way in me.. Many intent to be different compare to others.. Because being different is great to be proud of.. Being a labourers for the Lord also count in as being different with others.. So.. I made my decision on the first day of 2007, that i wanted to be different.. different that I wanted to serve Him so much.. Pray for me that All this intention wont changed by time.. Normally this kind of intention will be replace by fame and desire to get attention from others.. or popularity.. I hope im not that kind..

…..To be different..I did it in the first place.. Wuakakakkakaka…

and to Summer ^aki who ask me to mentioned her name in my blog..yeah..there u goes.. take care..

JiNG

Hi.. 62 days.. This is the lenght of time where I’m away from this blog.. I hope my friends will still remember who am i.. Time passed.. memories stayed.. histories crafted.. I’m still JiNG.. After challenging GOD.. and receiving temptation from Devil.. I’m away from church for quite a long time.. I’m questioning GOD like many others does.. GOD not only didn’t respon to me, yet He let me live a life without HIM.. What a confidence HE has..

So after so long.. I decided to join Christmas carolin.. and choir for Christmas celebration.. What will happen to my spiritual life?? HAHA.. God knows… He just knew everything.. Hope HE will kept HIS promise..

~JiNG 4 u~