What The Heck Am I ???

I want to be volunteer for Johor’s flood victims.. I want to have prayer meet with all sarikei-an in kl area… I want to help up Tian Zhuan… I want to help out youth in Sarikei… I want to finish my Final year project and thesis..  I want to get 4.0 this sem..  I want to be on the stage for yinzi..  I want to spend my time with all my friends once again.. etc.. etc..

Above are all the things that I wanted to do this semester, this year.. But I realised that I dont have that much time to archieve all above acts.. I tried to narrow down the scope of my acts.. I tried to sacrifice unnecessaries acts.. But in the end.. I ended up doing the same things all over again and again.. Without really do any of the things above.. Commitment is wat i lack of.. Prayer is wat i need now.. May the Lord’s graces be upon me.. Soon.. I will hand in my self to Him to be used as His instrunment.. Anything He willed for..

How much can I take?? How long can I endure?? How far can I go?? How useful am I to His Kingdom?? How vurnerable am I to fame and popularity?? And then, How long will I take to pass through purgatory and reach heaven?? God knews..

——————Tian Zhuan Agm 2007…

——————Sarikei Youth Retreat 2006/2007

——————–Yinzi Acoustic Group 2006/2007

These are three society that I owed them deeds and memories.. These are the three piority i set for myslf now..   

How many times in our whole life did we ever really slowed down, put ourself in a silence mode and refigured the setting for our life??  I often stay alone in my room, re-think what I have done so far in my life, what have I archieved in my life.. The question seems familiar le?? HaHa.. But do we really put an effort in refiguring our setting?? or i rather say, do we ask the right question to ourslf?? Is it about " What have i done all this while?? Is it reaching towards my dream?? " How many times in our life that we really ask " What am I going to do afer all this??" Missions and Dreams are temporary…Some ppl might spend their whole life trying to archieve their missions and dreams.. Some never being able to amcomplished anything,, Some dont even have any.. My question is, what’s there waiting for us after we archived our missions and dreams?? Setting new missions?? new dreams?? Then we will be a human who live just to archieve dreams..

I didnt said that dreams are bad to archieve, just that we need to set a better dreams and missions before going for it.. We need to look far beyond to the future before really setting down our missions and dreams.. How to look beyond then?? With our mind and hearts, its really hard to be in the mood to think all this.. We are made sentimental,  Ever try standing in a high place, which gave u a view of hundreds miles away??  It gave a good mood in reflecting our life..It gave you the feeling that You are on the top of the world.. You are above everything now.. So whats you gonna do?? Was is it lies beyond our dreams??

After I list down my dreams and missions… I start to ask my self.. Do I have missions to Gain Heaven??  Are all my dreams leading me to this one last missions?? The answer is no.. Because each of my dreams were set for my own interest, for my own happiness, for my own means.. Now that I realised my dreams dont really lead me to gain heaven, the other question comes to me, Can I, JiNG redefined my dreams and change its directions?? Am I dare enough to put aside my own interest and dreams?? How small am I.. I cant be sure that my way is right, how am I going to help others to gain heaven then?? Ever have this kind of dillemma?? If you do.. come.. I invite you to go to "The eyes of KL" and redefined our missions there.. HAHA… What say you?? hehe… .

—— The only way to be the different, is to be saintly ppl.. No other choice… Can we be the one for HIM??.. It lies beyond our dreams..

Many says "Lord,  Lord, pls use me as Your instrunment and make me whole".. But how many really mean it when they spit it out from their mouth? .. Some from their hearts, and some from their brains..

By going to church every sunday, we officially become Church-goer…but is that enough to gain heaven? By praying everyday, we think we are one road ahead of everyone else, but told ya that’s not even enough to pay the debts of our sins.. What shall we do then?? By spreading the good news to the pagans?? but we will become like the pharasis in Jesus own time if we only know how to spread the news without really Live it..

Am I an instrunment for my Lord? The answer will be totally YES.. but the question is, do I allowed HIM to use me as HIS instrunment?? When I really flashed back my own life.. I can see that there’s bunch of times where I let myself being used by the devil.. Letting them to destroy my life and even the life of others..

Thanks to the retreat..and with God’s graces, I’d found His way in me.. Many intent to be different compare to others.. Because being different is great to be proud of.. Being a labourers for the Lord also count in as being different with others.. So.. I made my decision on the first day of 2007, that i wanted to be different.. different that I wanted to serve Him so much.. Pray for me that All this intention wont changed by time.. Normally this kind of intention will be replace by fame and desire to get attention from others.. or popularity.. I hope im not that kind..

…..To be different..I did it in the first place.. Wuakakakkakaka…

and to Summer ^aki who ask me to mentioned her name in my blog..yeah..there u goes.. take care..

JiNG